I’ve linked each of my 40 fears to related posts as I faced and wrote about them. By reading them, I hope to inspire you to face your fears… whatever they may be.
a couple eleven attempts, and still be scary. Plus, they will probably trigger deeper issues. (Which makes me automatically worry about fear 39, doing my best and failing).
I haven’t wanted to publish this post… I am guessing it’s because of fear number 1, being vulnerable. So, I’m going to be brave and publish it before I change my mind.
Maybe, you don’t have 40 fears like I do. Maybe, you can help me face mine.
Genealogy Jen’s Weekly Challenge– Naming your fears is the first step to conquering them. Just start with one. Share it.
Bonus Points – Be brave. Use #My40Fears to Tag your picture or your post on social media to celebrate facing your fear. Even if it’s a baby step, it’s still a step.
I don’t know if I can even think of 40 fears. I’ve almost died, lost a house and I guess most things don’t really rattle me anymore.I stared at my friend skeptically. Then, I realized how optimistic she is- and happy. She is calm in the face of life trials and adversities. She’s not the one popping Xanax and focusing on deep breathing… I am. Every time the bell of opportunity rings, I have let my 40 fears devour me like a hungry pack of Pavlov’s dogs. I am ready for a new response. I am ready to be brave. Being brave to me isn’t skydiving for my 40th birthday, or climbing a mountain. That would be less daunting than issues that rock my core, and cause night terrors. My fears are the things I don’t usually talk about, but leave me feeling exhausted and paralyzed with in action. I’m ready to change that. As a prelude to my 40th birthday in February 2017, I’m facing my 40 fears. Here are my 40 fears: I’m afraid of…
- being vulnerable – being vulnerable – being vulnerable
- my past coming back to haunt me
- having my IQ tested
- alcoholism
- calling people on the phone
- having fun
- being poor forever
- rejection – rejection
- swimming
- becoming a hoarder , becoming a hoarder
- eating meals with people
- criticism
- spending time with someone who is dying/ terminally ill
- being naked –being naked –being naked
- being spontaneous
- never graduating from college
- listening to other people’s problems
- being in loud places
- being forgotten
- public speaking
- getting too close/ sharing too much with friends
- road trips alone with my kids
- reaching my ideal weight
- depending on others for what I need
- singing
- having company at my house
- people thinking I’m not intelligent, people thinking I’m not intelligent
- being dirty
- losing myself/ my identity
- being unprepared in an emergency situation
- failing to help someone in need
- being around crowds of people
- raising boys who don’t respect me, or women in general
- losing my mind , losing my mind
- spending time with people from my past
- making the wrong decision
- not achieving greatness
- calling myself a writer
- doing my best, and failing, doing my best and failing
- that my voice or opinion doesn’t matter
I like your words “a new response” in light of the fear we all face. This is a great post about vulnerability. Congrats for hitting the send button. 🙂
Thank you for your kind remarks Karen! I can’t tell you how close I was to whimping out and posting something else this week. I’ve already been working on some other posts about the fears though and it wouldn’t make sense without this post. I felt relieved to have it out there. I plan to update the numbered fears with links as I post about them. What’s something that you are afraid of?
I think my list is longer than yours…. 🙂
Love it, face those fears and persevere! You can do it!
Thanks for the encouragement Shasha! I’ve found that accomplishing things in life that require a lot of effort, usually have the biggest payoff.
Stay the course, all your efforts will pay off!
Thanks Shasha!
Go Jen, Go!
thanks Jen. super interesting. my absolute # 1 fear wasn’t listed! (fear of losing my child, especially to suicide).
Molly, Thanks for being brave and sharing your fear! Dealing with the loss of a child is a traumatic event for parents for parents. I hope that I never experience the pain of loosing one of my children. As a parents we work to keep our children safe and protect them from harm. It would be especially difficult knowing that they would intentionally harm themselves. With each of my fears, digging deep to the cause of them, and arming myself with facts has helped me. Knowing the signs to be aware of with suicide is the best way to prevent it, and reduce the risk. This is one of many resources to check out: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml
Knowing that the consequences my life decisions have a direct impact on others has stopped me. I felt more guilt about logistical details and the rest of my family dealing with my actions than the overwhelming pain…even when I felt no hope.
Interesting that you should mention that. I never would have listed losing my child to death, much less to suicide. I have experienced the loss of a child–in several ways. My oldest child was lost to me for a period of five years when I lost custody of her to her father. That was very painful and yet I was promised that she would one day return to me. That same child is currently lost to me because she chooses to be offended at the drop of a hat and I managed to offend her several years ago. She hasn’t spoken to me since. This is very painful. She will be 30 in May and she has two sweet little boys that I am not getting to know. More pain. My oldest son (fourth child) was physically lost to me in 2011 when he was killed in an accident. That was hard. It is still hard. It was hard telling my other children (I have eight altogether) that their brother was dead. More pain. I hope I never lose a child to suicide and I hope that we, as a society, can get better at reaching out to those most likely to attempt it because there is too much pain in this world and much beauty if we but know how to find it.
This is a powerful post, Jen. I had to retrain my mind from the fear chatter – and I was in my late 40s when I finally figured that out. You’re way ahead. A word came to me, Trust, and I started using it to retrain the automatic synaptic-firing energy of fear. It took a long time and a lot of practice. But we can retrain our minds. Figure out the word for you that makes your shoulders drop and your head clear and practice! I have so much confidence in you, my dear. It’s a perfect way to begin this new year. Hugs.
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement Janet. I value your wisdom and experience. I’ve found my word, and am posting about it tomorrow.
Thank you for sharing this list. Way to give #1 a run for its money.
I too have moved into genealogy as I’ve written a memoir about unknown family. Revealing yourself by facing fears is not easy! One fear I’ve been facing lately is public speaking. I’ve joined a Toastmasters Club—such a supportive group! Everyone felt this way at first—stutterers, tremblers.
Thanks for the like.
Thank you so much for your comment, Paula! Self improvement can be exhausting for sure. Good luck with your public speaking. I’ve heard fantastic things about Toastmasters. I believe that overcoming our fears gives us strength to endure life’s trials.
I love your candour, Jen. Just keep doing things you fear, and the death of fear is certain…best wishes…Raj
Fears at times consume me but I have to shake them off or leave them on a shelf until I can talk through them. I have to admit like someone else my fear is losing a child under any circumstances. As I know how my parents have been since losing my brother. I see them looking and missing him in the family pictures. However, I have to tell myself constantly that I can not stop things from happening I can just be there to listen or notice life.
Maxine, I love your idea of leaving your fear on a shelf. I am a processor too. I need time to really turn things over from different angles to evaluate my reasoning. I am sorry for the loss of your brother. Recognizing the pain that it has caused your parents and how it has impacted you can make the fear larger. The more often I am brave, it becomes a little bit easier. Not to do the hard thing I am afraid of. I totally get scared still. I am able to do it even though I am afraid instead of letting my fear trap me like it has so many times. PS I faced 2 more big ones this weekend I can’t wait to write about. I’m obviously still alive, so my fears haven’t killed me yet, and yours won’t either… even if it feels like they will sometimes.