It is easier for me to imagine you as I want you to be

Instead of how you were

Because I never knew you.

I build a vision

Of you as  patient mother

Devoted wife

Sober.

The grandmother I never knew

Constructed from pieces

I cling to

Photographs and costume jewelry,

Attaching significance

To things you may not have valued.

Because it’s all I have.

Researching to find explanations

For your choices,

Knowing that your name is rarely spoken,

And only with pain

From your children,

The only ones related who remember.

Content with the fragments

I have built an illusion of hope around your life

More comforting than the reality

I will never know.

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