I celebrated your first day of school this morning. I brought a cooler with sparkling apple-grape cider, and plastic champagne glasses to school today. I was poppin’ bottles, and had toasts with some of my mom-friends in the elementary school hallway. Your dad commented to several parents, about how excited I was for school to start this year.
I have been.
I want you to know that I love you, and have enjoyed our summer vacation. I made a conscientious decision over the summer to take a break from my writing to spend more time with you making memories. I want you to look back on your childhood, specifically, this past summer, as one of the best ones ever. For me, it’s been the best summer ever.
We’ve spent quality time together.
Nearly three months making memories.
We’ve visited amusement parks, national parks, and a water park. We’ve spent time at the ocean and the lake. We’ve read books, and listened to them together on our long car trips together. We’ve had picnics, picked huckleberries, blackberries and pears. We’ve shared meals on picnics, outdoors, and with extended family members at reunions.
After I dropped you off today, I went for a walk with some friends to a coffee shop for conversation. I came home, started dinner, swept the floor and folded some laundry. Then, I started to cry, because our house was so quiet, and I miss you already,
even though, it’s only been a couple of hours since I last saw you,
even though, I always complain about not being able to hear myself think,
even though, I’ve been looking forward to this transition for over nine years,
even though, I had sparkling cider to celebrate.
I started crying, because I know in less than a decade, three of you will be gone, with the fourth quickly following.
And all of those women, I didn’t believe, who’ve told me for years that I would miss the chaotic days of you being small were right.
I was so excited for school to start today, because with the youngest boy beginning first grade, it will be the first time in 9 years that I have spent a lot of my day focused mostly on myself. Even though, I have most of my days to focus on my own interests now, I’ve realized it’s impossible to do that without thinking about you, and what I can do to help you.
My 29th fear is that I’m afraid of losing myself and my identity. I did not want to become a mother who based her worth and value solely upon the accomplishments of her children.
It has been difficult for me to be identified as “The Triplet Mom” or “The Mom with All Boys”. At times, I have felt invisible, inadequate and unappreciated in my role as a mother.
I have been afraid of being consumed with the weight of my responsibilities and tasks. I have feared being a mother would be all I was known for, rather than other accomplishments that I’ve made, or may make in the future.
Boys, if all I’m ever known for, is being your mom, that is the greatest accomplishment I will ever have.
Being your mother is the most important way that I spend my time.
Genealogy Jen’s Challenge of the Week: What’s your favorite childhood summer memory? Why?