Like most people, the first half of my 20’s were filled with so many bad decisions that I lost count. At over 40, I’ve realized there are 5 signs of impending doom my intuition gives me to prevent potentially horrible decisions.
1. I feel pressured/ anxious about an impending timeline or arbitrary deadline.
Allowing me unhurried time to process and weigh information often evolves into a better plan or long term strategy. My four boys have already learned not to pressure me into a last minute decision. Mom will either automatically say no, or regret the yes, and be bitter about it. Neither option is ideal.
2. You expect my implicit trust without a proven track record, history with me, or an outstanding reputation with other people I respect and admire.
I have to trust you to follow you, or to do what you want me to.
I know a lot of liars.
Just because I don’t call you out as one, because I’m polite like that, doesn’t mean I can’t see through your angle. You can not make me trust or believe you. I am stubborn like that. I might not be able to give you a specific reason why I don’t trust you, but I have yet to be wrong about believing or trusting the integrity of a person or organization when I’ve followed my instincts.
As a side note, I will fiercely defend your character, brand or business to others who question it, both publicly and privately if I do trust you.
3. I can’t sleep.
Sleep is my nemesis when I’m processing a major decision. Mind spinning worst case scenarios, too many what ifs, and lack of control keep me awake, and leave me feeling uneasy about a choice I am considering. As the circles under my eyes darken, too many days of comments and concern if I’m feeling alright remind me decisions in my best interest help me sleep at night. It also reminds me that I need to find better under eye concealer.
4. My value, contribution, expertise or intellect are under-appreciated or ignored.
I want to know what I’m agreeing to. I want you to be proud to have me as part of your team, and give me mad props for how I help you or your organization. I love praise and recognition.
I don’t expect you to cheer J-E-N Goooo Jen! every time we interact, though I wouldn’t turn it down. Our relationship may evolve over time, but any agreement I make should include full disclosure about what we are each getting out of the arrangement. Ambiguity leads to misunderstandings.
5. I feel implied or direct pressure to hide, omit or censor part of who I am as an individual.
I don’t expect you to sing Billy Joel’s I Love You Just The Way You Are to me, unless you really, really want to. I just want to be treated that way. The Jen I present on social media is the same one you’d meet in person. I can’t be a less (insert annoying attribute here) version of Jen.
Firmly planted in my 40’s, I understand who I am. Your version of an extreme Jen make-over isn’t going to happen. I’m more of a Do It Yourself girl. I’m already working on how I want to change without you throwing your ideas into the mix. I’ve seen enough HGTV programs to know that just leads to a lot of delays and a hot mess. You can’t just slap on a coat of fresh paint and call it done if there is a structural issue.
I believe by listening to our intuition, it’s impossible to make a bad decision. By saying no, when we feel a decision is not in our long term best interest, personally or professionally, we have greater peace and clarity.
After a recent major personal decision, I am looking forward to the delicious sleep that peace brings me tonight. Otherwise, I’m going to need to learn to apply my eye makeup better. True story.
This post is part of Hoagies’ Gifted Education monthly blog hop series. You can read more about thoughts from the mental trenches by clicking http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/blog_hop_mental_trenches.htm