I don’t know if I can even think of 40 fears. I’ve almost died, lost a house and I guess most things don’t really rattle me anymore.
I stared at my friend skeptically.
Then, I realized how optimistic she is- and happy. She is calm in the face of life trials and adversities. She’s not the one popping Xanax and focusing on deep breathing… I am.
Every time the bell of opportunity rings, I have let my 40 fears devour me like a hungry pack of Pavlov’s dogs. I am ready for a new response. I am ready to be brave.
Being brave to me isn’t skydiving for my 40th birthday, or climbing a mountain. That would be less daunting than issues that rock my core, and cause night terrors. My fears are the things I don’t usually talk about, but leave me feeling exhausted and paralyzed with in action. I’m ready to change that.
As a prelude to my 40th birthday in February 2017, I’m facing my 40 fears.
Here are my 40 fears:
I’m afraid of…
- being vulnerable – being vulnerable – being vulnerable
- my past coming back to haunt me
- having my IQ tested
- calling people on the phone
- having fun
- being poor forever
- rejection – rejection
- becoming a hoarder , becoming a hoarder
- eating meals with people
- spending time with someone who is dying/ terminally ill
- being naked –being naked –being naked
- being spontaneous
- never graduating from college
- listening to other people’s problems
- being in loud places
- being forgotten
- public speaking
- getting too close/ sharing too much with friends
- road trips alone with my kids
- reaching my ideal weight
- depending on others for what I need
- having company at my house
- people thinking I’m not intelligent, people thinking I’m not intelligent
- being dirty
- losing myself/ my identity
- being unprepared in an emergency situation
- failing to help someone in need
- being around crowds of people
- raising boys who don’t respect me, or women in general
- losing my mind , losing my mind
- spending time with people from my past
- making the wrong decision
- not achieving greatness
- calling myself a writer
- doing my best, and failing, doing my best and failing
- that my voice or opinion doesn’t matter
They are in random order except number 1, that’s the scariest for sure.
There are stories behind each of my 40 fears, and I look forward to being brave, and sharing some of them with you.
I don’t plan to be brave everyday. That’s simply too exhausting. Some of my fears may take
a couple eleven attempts, and still be scary. Plus, they will probably trigger deeper issues. (Which makes me automatically worry about fear 39, doing my best and failing).
I haven’t wanted to publish this post… I am guessing it’s because of fear number 1, being vulnerable. So, I’m going to be brave and publish it before I change my mind.
Maybe, you don’t have 40 fears like I do. Maybe, you can help me face mine.
Genealogy Jen’s Weekly Challenge– Naming your fears is the first step to conquering them. Just start with one. Share it.
Bonus Points – Be brave. Use #My40Fears to Tag your picture or your post on social media to celebrate facing your fear. Even if it’s a baby step, it’s still a step.